Talk to each other with your attention

Are you conscious of where your attention is while your husband or wife is sharing something with you? And I don't mean hearing the words that are being said - but ask yourself 'where is your ATTENTION?' Is it wondering where she/he is going with the conversation so you are feeling wary? Or is your attention preparing what YOU are going to say next? Or a thousand other possible things that are actually going on inside you at the same time that your spouse is sharing with you. So when your spouse then accuses you of not understanding, or not listening etc., to which you would typically re-act in a negative way defending your position. Just stop and reflect for a moment on where your attention has been during the discussion. If you are really honest with yourself, you probably have not REALLY heard what was said. And you likely have reactively responded or interrupted with an inappropriate response - and so the situation gets inflamed. We all know THAT story! And then the blame game starts.....

The biggest and most loving gift you can give someone is your ATTENTION - fully present with what is being said. If you notice your attention leaping off somewhere else, just bring it back to the present. It requires discipline - but this will absolutely change the dynamic of the conversation, and the outcome. The energy of your attention is received as one of being fully listened to. And you will know exactly what to say without having had to plan it. Give it a go - and let me know your experiences.

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SELF-TALK - Did You Know That Everyone Talks to Themselves All Day Long?

It's true - and it's incredible how negative a lot of it is! How often do you find yourself saying things like - 'What an idiot I am', or 'I'm such a clutz', or 'What is wrong with me?'.... and on and on it goes. So, let's talk about self-talk. Post some of your most negative self-talk, especially the ones you've got running about your marriage or relationship problems. I would love to be able to give you some insights about your self-talk and what is really going on.