Like may others, I too have enjoyed listening to parts of the ABC Radio National series on Midlife Matters. It's obvious from listeners' responses that there are many people who are holding these 'secrets' about their relationships which only serves to emphasise the need for us all to talk about sex in marriage.
I heard Elly's response today and I felt compelled to respond. I agree that 'just doing it' is difficult because any effort to do so means that we are confronted with ourselves - that is, we are confronted by what we already believe about ourselves. Given that often a lot of what we already believe about ourselves is negative and unconscious - and which manifest as feelings we don't understand, we try to rationalise what is happening. We don't know 'how' to handle those feelings and we push them away. But of course those feelings (beliefs) still esist and continue to operate in our lives - the more we try to push them away the more they persist. These beliefs create feelings of separation which in turn hihibit any potential intimate communication. I call it the relationship 'goo' that creates the cloud of 'stuff' that we hide behind and don't know 'how' to break through to connect with love. Because we don't know 'how' to fix it, and because we try to figure it out, it seems very complex. This is no surprise given that we are not taught 'how'. I wanted to say to Elly in particular that there is a 'how' - and that it's not hard or traumatic or complex. I have not only achieved this for myself but I have been teaching people the 'how' for over 15 years, and from the feedback I get, with extraordinary results. There's heaps more I could share....
And I will .... let's talk about your intimate relationship - it's a sensitive area I know, but one that is shared by many many people in marriage and relationship. Post your comments and questions - let's explore!
